Archive for March 17th, 2010


Izzie in HolyLand – Part 7

It’s 3 am in Jerusalem. Izzie’s just finished another consult with her ministers on how to get out of the mess Eli Yishai caused during the Biden visit.

She’s been crying the whole night.

Just as she finally begins to close her eyes, the phone rings.

Emanuel: Izzie?

Izzie: Yes, who is this?

Emanuel: It’s me, Rahm.

She can hear him smiling through the phone.

Izzie: Oh, I get it. So, you’re calling me to gloat now? Is that it?

Emanuel: Nah, of course not, kiddo! That’s not my style. I just wanted to check up on you…. hee-heee…pffffff (he can’t control the giggling)

Izzie: Yeah, right. I’ll bet. Well, for your information, I’m doing just fine. Just! Fine! (The tears start to roll and mess up her mascara again)

Emanuel: Really? You’re fine? Pfffff heee-heee!! Sorry, sorry…. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…. I mean… ummm…. you don’t sound fine… heeeeeheeee!!!

Izzie: Stop it! I’m fine! So what if Barack’s a bit angry now? It’ll blow over.

Emanuel: “A bit angry”??!!!? PFFFFFFFFF!!!!! Did you hear that??

Izzie hears someone else laughing in the room with him

Izzie: Who’s there!?! Baracky baby?!?! Is that you? 

Axelrod: PFFFfffpfff sorry Izzie, it’s just me… David. Heeeee-heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee….

Izzie: Oh. The other –

Axelrod: – Yeah, Izzie, the other self-hating Jew! pfffff heeeeheeeee hoooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She can’t control the sobs now

Izzie: Stop…(sniff) it… (sniff) please…(sniffsniffsniiff

Emanuel: OHHH G-d!!! OH! Feels so good!! Oh…. Sweet revenge…

Axelrod: Yeah, Izzie, I mean, you gotta admit: you had it comin’…

Izzie: I did not!

Axelrod: Oh, c’mon! What planet are you living on?! You’ve been lying to us ever since we took office!

Obama calls out for Rahm from the Oval Office

Izzie: Is that Baracky? Can I speak to him? Please???

Emanuel: Sure… If you want your head bitten off!!!! HEEEEE HHhooooo pffffff!!!

Axelrod slaps his knee and Emanuel grabs his stomach, the laugh is so hard it’s almost too painful 

Emanuel: Oh G-d, Oh G-d, so good…. so goood…. oh… oh… ohhh…. oh, someone stop the pain…. ohhhhhhhhhhhh

Izzie: Please… (sniff)… Rahm… (sniff)… Let me speak to Barack…

Axelrod: Izzie, I don’t think that’s such a good idea….

Izzie: Please!!! (sob)… I’ll do anything!

Emanuel and Axelrod grin at each other

Emanuel: Will you stop building in East Jerusalem?

Izzie thinks for second

Izzie: No…

Emanuel: HEEEEEE!!!! Hooo !!!! I didn’t think so!!! HAaaa… Oh G-d… stop it, stop it… oh please… I can’t breath… please….

Axelrod: Oh G-d, I haven’t laughed this hard since my Zeidi used to tickle me as a kid….heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

Emanuel: OK, OK, OK…. Listen, Iz…. seriously… we just wanted to try to cheer you up…

Axelrod: Yea Iz, seriously, we actually wanted to sing you a little song….

Izzie: Really? For real? Don’t make fun of me Rahm… I’m really not in the mood…

Emanuel: No, of course not! Just listen, OK?

Izzie: Well, OK…

Axelrod: OK. Let’s do this…

Emanuel and Axelrod look at each other, trying hard to keep the laughter in. They clear their throats simultaneously and go for it

Emanuel and Axelrod: “Who’s sorry now? Who’s sorry now? Whose heart is aching for breaking each vow?” 

Izzie: You fucking bastards!

Emanuel and Axelrod: “Who’s sad and blue?” PFfffff “Who’s crying too?” Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Izzie: Fucking shmucks!

Emanuel and Axelrod: “Just like I cried over you?” HOooooooooooooHeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Izzie: Stop it! Get Barack on the phone! Now!!!!!!!!!!!!

Emanuel and Axelrod: “Right to the end, just like a friend”

Izzie: You’re gonna pay for this Rahm.

Emanuel and Axelrod: “I tried to warn you somehow”

Rahm: I did Izzie, I tried to warn you, I swear heeeeehooooooooo heeee pfffff

Emanuel and Axelrod: “You had your way, now you must pay”  pfffffffffffffffffffffff

Izzie: Asshole.

Emanuel and Axelrod: “I’m glad that YOU’RE SORRY NOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

They both collapse in their chairs giggling uncontrollably, as Obama walks in

Obama: Rahm! What the hell is going on in here?

Rahm sits up straight, wipes the tears of joy from his eyes

Emanuel: Sorry, Mr. President… We were just fooling around a bit with Izzie….

Obama: Oh… well… in that case…

He grins

Obama: Keep up the good work!

March 2010

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