Izzie in HolyLand – Part 6

Izzie: Oh my G-d, Ehud, I’m soooo stoked about Dubai! How cool was that operation?

Barak: Yeah, it was pretty good.

Izzie: Oh, and that death squad! SOOO smoooooth. Did you check out that Gail Folliard? How hot is THAT chic?! Oh my G-d, it’s like the Mossad must have some kind of Simon Cowell filtering out the ugly ones!

Barak: Yup, she’s hot, she’s hot.

Izzie: Oh my G-d, I HAVE to call our buddies and see what they think…


Izzie: Gordi?

Brown: Izzie? Is that you?

Izzie: Yeah! Holy shit, Gordi, did you see the pics coming out of Dubai?

Brown raises his voice, making sure everyone outside the room hears him

Brown: Oi! Izzie!!! Are you bloody mad?!?! Stealing identities of British citizens?!?!?!

Izzie: (Disappointed at Brown’s reaction) But Gordi, this guy was a mega-terrorist, he –

Brown hushes Izzie up and whispers into the phone, making sure nobody hears

Brown: Shhh, I know, I know… great job Izzie. Oh my G-d, I though I was watching a James Bond movie! Don’t listen to everybody ,it’s all a load of bollocks!

Raises his voice again

Brown: I’m summoning your ambassador, I hope you understand how serious this is!

Whispers again

Brown: Cheerio Izzie, keep it up! Gotta go!

Izzie: (Too happy for words) Bye Gordi!



Izzie: Nicola?

Sarkozy: Izzie? Iz it vous?

Izzie: Oui, mi amor!

He makes sure everybody outside the room hears

Sarkozy: Merd, Izzie! Dis fooleesh operation iz a deezaster! It will not bring ze peace!

Izzie: (Once again, disappointed with the reaction) But Nicola, this guy –

Sarkozy: (Whispers) Shhhhh!! Shhh! Oh my G-d, Izzie! It was fabulous! Fantastic! I thought I was watching my favorite film, Nikita! How do you do it, tout-le-monde is so jealous!

Izzie: (Grinning widely) I know, it’s sooooo cool, huh?

Sarkozy: Oui, oui, beacoup cool!

His aide enters, so he raises his voice

Sarkozy: D’accord. I will speak to vous later! But je condemn this horribleh act of merder!!!

Izzie: Bye Nicola…



Izzie: Kev?

Rudd: Streuth, Izzie? Is that you?

Izzie: Yeah, Kevin! How goes down under? Did you see the Dubai cam pics?

Rudd raises his voice

Rudd: Well, I’ll be stuffed! You’ve got some nerve using Ozzie passports, Izzie!

Izzie waitsย for the whisper. Smiles as it comes…

Rudd: Shhh! Good onya Izzie! Wow, how you guys do it I’ll never know. Our guys can barely pick out a dingo from a dog pack, mate! It was a beaut, Izzie! See ya!

Izzie: Bye Kev!



Izzie: Josรฉ?

Zapatero: Izzie? Es tu?

Izzie: Si, mi caballero!

Zapatero raises his voice

Zapatero: Estas loca?!?!? Que cigarillo have you been fumando???? Dis operacion was ee-leh-gal!

Izzie: Anything else you wanna say, Josรฉ?

He whispers

Zapatero: Ay, caramba! Izzie, your Mossad is grandioso! Felicitaciones on this maravilloso act against de terroristas de bandistas conquidistas maldistas gordistas sandinistas!

Izzie: Gracias, mi querido primero ministerio! Hasta luego!



Izzie: Baracky?

Emanuel: No, Izzie. It’s Rahm

Izzie: Oh, it’s you. So, what now, you’re taking his calls?

Emanuel: No, I was just in the office.

Izzie: Whatever. Is Barack there?

Emanuel: Yeah. But he’s busy.

Izzie: (Whispers) Fucking self-hating Jew…

Emanuel: What did you say? What the fuck did you just say now, Izzie!!?!?

Izzie: Nothing! I said “I’m still waiting for my juice!” That’s all! I asked for some juice a minute ago, jeez!

Emanuel: Yeah, right.

Izzie: Just tell Barack I called.



Izzie: Silvio?

Berlusconi: Izzie? Iz it tu? Come sta?

Izzie: Oh, Silvio, tell me you saw the pics from Dubai…

Raising his voice, so all the consiglieri outside hear

Berlusconi: Izzie! You steala de identities off de European a nationalistas! I shoulda shoot tu in dat bellissima face of yours!

Izzie waits for the whisper

But Berlusconi raises his voice even higher

Berlusconi: But it was fantastico!!!

Izzie: Silvio!!!! SHHHH!!!! They’ll hear you!!!

Berlusconi: Who will hear? I don’t give a de fuck who is a listening. Izzie, you can a give me de telefono numero of that Gail Folliard…? I’m a having a pool party tomorrow…


4 Responses to “Izzie in HolyLand – Part 6”

  1. 1 liat
    February 26, 2010 at 00:26

    thumbs up! ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. 3 Shelly
    February 26, 2010 at 13:25

    Magnifique! Multi-linguisticfantastic-o!
    Have you ever thought of being a dialect coach?

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