Izzie in Holyland – Part 5

Izzie: Hey Baracky!
Barack: Izzie? Is that you?
Izzie: Yeah! Baracky, guess what?
Barack: Izzie… how many times do I have to tell you, there’s a 7 hour time difference. It’s 3 am here… and,
Izzie: But Baracky! I had to call you, I just had to!
Barack: Michelle is right next to me Izzie, this is a bad time. Especially after the whole Tiger Woods thing, Izzie… Jeezus
Izzie: Tiger in the woods? Baracky! I don’t know what you’re smoking – but I want some!
Barack: Izzie, can this wait a few hours?
Izzie: Sure! I just wanted you to know: You’re the first person I called on my new iPhone!
Izzie: They just got to Israel!
Izzie: I stood outside the Malcha mall in Jerusalem with my bodyguards all night – I got the first one!
Izzie: How exciting is that, Baracky? Oh, you should see it. They were right, it really is sleek!
Barack: I’m going to bed. I’m hanging up now.
Izzie: OK sweety. Oh, and one more thing – I loved your speech in Oslo. Or was that Stockholm? Oh my G-d, I always get those two mixed up…
Barack: Thanks, Izzie. It was Oslo. Now, good night.
Izzie: So, when do I get my cut?
Barack: Your what?
Izzie: My cut. My part of the prize.
Barack: You want a cut of the prize.
Izzie: Well, yeah. Like, duh…
Barack: Why should you get a cut, Izzie?
Izzie: Well, it’s a peace prize, right?
Barack: Yeah, but – ย 
Izzie: And you got it for bringing the peace, right?
Barack: Well, yes –
Izzie: So, you got it for bringing peace to the MidEast, right? Am I right?
Barack: Well, actually it’s –
Izzie: So, come on – be honest with me: Could you have brought the peace without me?
Barack: What peace exactly are you talking about, Izzie?
Izzie: Exactly.
Barack: Exactly what?
Izzie: Exactly what I wanna know. Whatever you brought to the MidEast – I want a cut of it.
Barack: And how big a cut do you want?
Izzie: 50 percent.
Barack: What?!?!?
Michelle: Either you hang up that phone or I swear to G-d I’m gonna whip your ass with that golf club so hard you gonna wish you married a white girl.
Izzie: Tell her I heard that. And that I can tell who wears the pants in the White House.
Barack: That’s it! I’m hanging up!
(Slams phone down)
Izzie: Barack?!?! Did you just hang up on me?!?!?!
(Slams her new iPhone down. Shatters it to pieces)
Izzie: Sh-t! Last time I freeze a settlement for that guy, I swear to G-d! Ehud! Come in here, we have to go back to Malcha!

3 Responses to “Izzie in Holyland – Part 5”

  1. December 14, 2009 at 21:43

    Really laughed out loud at “who wears the pants in the white house”. ๐Ÿ™‚
    I hate to disappoint Izzie but half of the Nobel prize goes to taxes (that’s 1/2 million dollars) so unfortunately, she won’t be getting much…

    • 2 Karen
      December 14, 2009 at 21:49

      Well it kinda will in a roundabout way given all the aid that the US pumps into this country…

      • 3 shmookty
        December 14, 2009 at 22:11

        Mo – I think Izzie was more bummed about having to go with Ehud back to Malcha ๐Ÿ˜‰ She hates malls…

        Karen – True, we still get 3 billion a year. But just think of all the settlements Izzie can freeze with another 250 grand!

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