Izzie: Hi baby!
Barack: Hey Iz, where are ya?
Izzie: In my suite in Rome, just got back from a meeting with Silvio…
Barack: How’d it go?
Izzie: OK, I guess… I dunno, he kept asking me if I wanted to come to a party he was having tonight. Something about him, maybe the hair, I dunno… Don’t think I’ll go. Anyway, it’s you I’m thinking about… I miss you Baracky baby…
Barack: Is that so?
Izzie: I do, really… I feel like we barely talk anymore.
Barack: Well, I’ve been busy…
Izzie: I know, I know…. I’m just saying.
Barack: You know, I got Iran and everything.
Izzie: I know baby. And I saw you kill that fly, too! Nice one…
Barack: Thanks, honey. Listen, I better get going…
Izzie: Really? So soon?
Barack: Yeah, I got some stuff…
Izzie: OK…. Baracky?
Barack: Yeah Iz?
Izzie: Is everything OK?
Barack: Whaddya mean?
Izzie: I mean, I dunno, you seem kind of distant.
Barack: Nah, it’s nothing, just got some stuff on my mind. Very busy…
Izzie: OK…. but you would tell me if something was wrong, right?
Barack: Sure, of course I would.
Izzie: OK…. because we haven’t really talked since my Bar Ilan speech.
Izzie: Yeah, really. You never told me what you thought of it.
Barack: I didn’t? I thought I did….. hmmmm.
Barack: So what?
Izzie: How was the speech?
Barack: Oh! The speech! Yeah, yeah…. it was, ummm…. it was good. Yeah, it was good.
Barack: Yeah, good. Good speech baby.
Izzie: Just “good”?
Barack: Ummm, yeah.
Barack: Good speech. Interesting, too.
Barack: Yeah, I liked it.
Barack: So anyway,
Barack: Izzie? You there?
Izzie: You got a lot of nerve, you know that?
Barack: Excuse me?
Izzie: I SAID PALESTINIAN STATE!
Barack: I know you did honey, but –
Izzie: I DID THAT FOR YOU!!!!
Barack: That’s very sweet, Izzie, but –
Izzie: No, YOU but – DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT WAS FOR ME?
Barack: I’m sure it was, but –
Izzie: But what? What can you possibly have to say? Do you know how disgusting those words are to me? Do you have any idea the nausea I felt as they came thru my lips!?!
Barack: Now wait, now just calm down Izzie…
Izzie: Calm down? Calm down? That’s what you have to tell me? Calm down?
Barack: Are you going to let me say something?
Izzie: This is Rahm’s fault, I know it. That self-hating Jew, I’ll kill him, I swear.
Barack: This has nothing to with Rahm, Izzie, this is between you and me.
Izzie: OK. OK. So, why was it just “good”, huh? Why? Go on, spit it out.
Barack: Well, for one thing, I don’t think saying Palestinian state is such a big deal.
Izzie: You’re serious, right? OMG, unbelievable…
Barack: And second, I dunno, you just didn’t look that honest. I mean, actually, I didn’t believe a word you said.
Barack: Wasn’t convinced you were actually going to do something.
Barack: And it’s not about Rahm, I watched the replay alone.
Izzie: Wait, wait wait wait wait….. did you just say “replay”?
Barack: Yeah, I had this golf game, I couldn’t cancel, so I Tivo’d it, but –
Izzie: I’VE BEEN TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS SPEECH FOR 2 WEEKS AND YOU DIDN’T WATCH ME LIVE?
Barack: Well, I’m sorry, but…
Izzie: You know what, Barack? Just forget it, OK? Forget it. I’m hanging up, and I’m going to Silvio’s party. And I’m cancelling the meeting with Mitchell tomorrow in Paris. So just forget it, and send me the 3 billion dollars, you know the address.
Barack: Yeah, well, you see, here’s the thing Izzie, I wanted to talk to you about that… Izzie? You there? Izzie? Sh-t, she hung up. I dunno Rahm, she sounds pissed.
Rahm: Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. These Jewish states tend to be real princesses. It’ll blow over.