I happen to be bald. But, basically, so is almost every other guy in Israel. Seriously. If you live here or if you’ve ever visited, you know I’m right. Israeli bald men outnumber those with hair. What happens to most of us, usually a few years after the army, is a slow migration southwards of hair towards the chest, shoulders and back.
But balding is genetic, right? So why is it when I compare the situation of men here to the scalps of my Jewish brethren in the diaspora, mainly the U.S. and U.K., I can’t help but notice that they seem to be much more follicly healthy? In fact, Homer Simpson is probably a much more acurate portrait of the typical Israeli figure than that of homo-suburbia found in America.
I talked about this issue recently with a friend of mine, and we both weighed in on the reasons. She thought it was most probably the dry, hot weather. We could always blame it on the “matsav” – I mean, who wouldn’t? Or maybe it’s all that hummus. A good bet would be all those antennaes we serve next to while in the military. I don’t know. I tend to believe it has to do with the drinking water. They obviously put too much of something in there.
I’m thinking of starting a Facebook page, for all us bald Israelis. I know it’ll be a hit. But I won’t do it for the ratings, or for the fame. No, we have to get down to the bottom of this. Our children, and children’s children depend on us. What we really need is an official Commission of Inquiry, one that has real teeth to punish those responsible for this crime.
I want to see heads roll.
And they better be bald.