26
Apr
09

Izzie in Holyland

Clinton: Hey Israel, hunny bun, how ya doin?
Izzie: Oh Billie, I miss you soooo much…
Clinton: Really? Why’s that sweetie-pie?
Izzie: You were a real president, you always knew how to please me…
Clinton: (Blushing) Oh… well…. ya know…. aw, that’s nice of you….
Izzie: You never really pushed me any where I didn’t want to go… never made me do anything too kinky, like get out of the West Bank.
Clinton: Well, it’s not like I never wanted to hunny bun, I just didn’t know if we should go there, ya know sweetie? I didn’t want to piss you off and get all your AIPAC buddies on my case…
Izzie: Still… you knew how to treat a young, Middle Eastern belle like myself and make me feel protected. Not like that Dubya, he couldn’t even pronounce that secret I have. You know, that one down in Dimona?
Bush: You mean your nookular powers? hehe, hehe 
Izzie: Oh God, it’s him…
Bush: Yup! Ya miss me too, Izreel? hehe
Izzie: About as much as I miss Arafat…
Bush: Now now, I was nice to ya, wasn’t I?
Izzie: Dubya, you were the worst president I ever did. You had no clue whatsoever…. I mean, you couldn’t tell my West Bank from my East. And what about foreplay? You never showed any interest in my checkpoints. I even got out of Gaza, but did u call? Did you send me flowers? It was like I never existed! 
Clinton: Yeah George, you just don’t screw a peace process like that and never call again… that’s so fratboyish….
Izzie: Thanks Billie baby, I knew you’d understand…. but Billie, I’m so scared of this Barack guy…. I hear he likes it rough…
Clinton: Yeah, you might be in for a whole new experience honey bun. It’ll be tough to stObama 2008all with this guy…
Izzie: Oh Billie, can’t you be President again?
Obama: Why’s that sugah?
Izzie: Oh, Barack! It’s you! I didn’t mean it…. I mean, nothing… just… I dunno, I guess I’m just a bit worried about where our relationship is heading.
Barack: Well, I’m just getting to know you sugah, I don’t wanna commit to anything yet. I don’t know if you’re ready for it…
Rahm: (Whispering in Barack’s ear) Yeah, make her show how serious she is first…
Barack: Take off those roadblocks first baby. Show me how much you love me…
Rahm: (Whispering in his ear) Perfect! I know this chick like the back of my hand, Baracky, we’ll have her on her knees in no time. Go on, talk to her like an Ars, tell her you’ll show her where the fish pees from, it’s the only launguage these guys understand…
Barack: Sugah, I heard you don’t support a two-state solution, and that you’ve been dissing Annapolis, the Saudi initiative. Baby, tell me it’s not true…
Izzie: Of course it isn’t!!! (Crossing her fingers behind her back) Where on earth did you hear THAT rubbish?
Barack: Lieberman.
Izzie: Oh, pffff! Come on… Him? Oh, Baracky, he’s nothing…. he doesn’t mean anything to me, trust me, he’s just a one-gov’t-stand…
Barack: Careful, Sugah, don’t lie to me… or I’ll show you what the fish pees in.
Rahm: No! NO!! “Pees from! WHERE the fish Pees FROM!” Goddammit, where’s Ari when I need him… Probably watching himself on Entourage again…
Bush: Hey fellas, can I pee, too? I’m bored…. Hehe… Laura! Get my potty! We’re going’ peein’!
Clinton: Sorry I can’t come, guys, but Hillary’s outta town, so… (fiddles with his cigar) rain check?
To be continued…
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5 Responses to “Izzie in Holyland”


  1. April 26, 2009 at 07:52

    Like I said, this conflict is all about a pissing contest. 😉

    Brilliant post, Ami, *as always*.

  2. April 26, 2009 at 18:50

    “he’s just a one-gov’t-stand”.

    Brilliant stuff!


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